Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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