he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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