Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
