I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
no more duck duck goose at the bar
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
