Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
