So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
