I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
