singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
