is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
