i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Idk if I want to put a bra on
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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