Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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