I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
And then he peed in my hair
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