just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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