on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
