I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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