He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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