so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
