Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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