I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
