i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
