the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
