it was like his penis was on wheels.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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