I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
