How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
