You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just gift wrapped bread.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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