went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
