so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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