new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
