I cannot find my penis.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
