My cat gives me a boner
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
