Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(903): View more from Texas

And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either

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(308): View more from Nebraska

is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...

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(732): View more from New Jersey

we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle

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(609): View more from New Jersey

He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.

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(850): View more from Florida

if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?

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(443): View more from Maryland

Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower

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(415): View more from California

I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED

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(703): View more from Virginia

we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler

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