she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
