She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
