i barfeds in our rink
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
