I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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