You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
