no, he came in my armpit
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
