Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
