I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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