Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
