is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
