HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
