Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every concussion has its silver lining
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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