I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
