Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
