i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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