your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you didnt know i had herpes?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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