Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'm getting married
To pizza
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
