I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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