i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
