Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
