Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
