I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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