my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
